


Close Your Eyes, Brother

by NothingImpossibleOnlyImprobable



Series: Jones Family Collection [3]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Brothers, Comfort, Early Jones brothers, Family, Jones Brothers, afraid of the dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 14:03:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6910252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NothingImpossibleOnlyImprobable/pseuds/NothingImpossibleOnlyImprobable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Early Jones brothers story, tying in little Killian's fear of the dark and season 2's Hook saying "Actually, I prefer it with the lights on."  Set only a few weeks after they're first sold into servitude.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Close Your Eyes, Brother

**Author's Note:**

> Prompted by icecubelotr44 (you're not getting out of the blame for this one), which my muse took as an excuse to go all-out angsty on little Killian.

_“I’ll meet you here after my watch, all right?  Just stay here until I come back.”_

Killian raced back to their bunk as fast as he could, his little legs just starting to get used to the rocking and pitching of the ship at sea.  He was far steadier than he had been the first week, just after Father left them all alone.  Liam had to help him climb the ladders, and the rigging after that, his muscles unsure and wobbly on unfamiliar ratlines.  He still wasn’t great at climbing, not like the other boys, but he knew he was getting better at it, and that Liam was proud of him.

That was all that mattered, to him.

The room was empty, quiet beside the groaning and creaking of the ship, noises he found he was already used to.  It was dark, too dark, so he quickly reached for the lantern and lit it, breathing out a sigh when the soft glow chased away the shadows that threatening to close in on him.  He hated how scared he was of the dark, other boys his age certainly weren’t as fearful as he, but he’d yet to find a solution to his fear.

Footsteps echoed on the boards behind him.  Killian spun, a grin already on his face.

“Liam, I was-” he started, but quickly stopped, his smile falling fast.

“If it isn’t the littlest sailor,” taunted Benny, the oldest of the six other boys also assigned to the small room.  “Where’s your big brother, Killy?”

He gulped, hoping Benny couldn’t hear.  “D-don’t call me that,” he stammered quietly.

“What are you gonna do about it?” asked the older boy.  “Gonna cry?”

Another two boys slipped into the room, the two who always followed their leader when it came to trouble on the ship.  Max crossed his muscular arms over his chest and leaned lazily against the doorway as Sam sank down on his bunk with a smirk.

“You don’t scare me,” Killian said, forcing himself to sound stronger than he felt.   _Where’s Liam?_

Benny only leaned closer, and Killian could feel his heart racing faster in his chest, his blood pumping almost painfully through his small body.

“I might not scare you,” Benny leered, “but I know something else that does.”

For one terrifying moment, Killian was sure Benny would reach out and hit him right there, his small fists no match for the older boy’s much larger - and stronger - ones.  But the boy chose something far more fearful instead.

Benny puffed up his cheeks and blew out the fire in the lantern.

Panic clawed at Killian, choking him, as a scream bubbled up from somewhere deep in his throat, a scream he only just managed to contain.  His eyes went wide, frantically searching for any available light, something to calm himself in the suffocating darkness.  There was nothing, not even through the narrow slit of a window high in the ceiling, the moon concealed by heavy clouds.

“Is this dark enough for you, _Killy_?” he heard Benny sneer from somewhere far too close.  “What do you say, lads?  Shall we find a place that’s a bit more… cozy for our little sailor?”  A few laughs, snickers from the other boys, and footsteps shuffling around the room, but he couldn’t see, couldn’t make out anything helpful, anything that would help him quell the terror that threatened to overwhelm him.

He suddenly felt rough hands grab at his arms, one wrapping around his chest, his body being lifted backward and clear off the floor.  He didn’t hold back, screaming madly as he thrashed wildly in their grasp.  A hand clamped tightly over his mouth before he could make too much noise, cutting off his screams, but he continued to writhe as hard as he could, hoping to break free.  He was crying, tears falling freely down his cheeks as his sobs and screams were silenced by the strength and size of the other boys.

Killian felt them dragging him somewhere, but in the dark, his vision blurred with tears, he had no idea where.  He swung his arms and legs, hoping to hit something, _someone_ , but the pressure on his body didn’t let up despite his attempts.  Suddenly, they released him at once, his body falling a few more feet than he should have as he landed with a grunt on the cool floor.  The world was still dark, so dark, and he only heard the sound of wood sliding over an opening, clicking sharply into place.

 _The hold,_ he realised, panic and fear renewed.   _They locked me in the hold_.

His mouth was no longer blocked by anything, and he took advantage of it, crying out loudly.  He screamed for Liam, for them to let him go, for anyone to hear him, his small voice desperately tiny in the cramped lower compartment.  He screamed until he had no more breath, his cries hiccupping violently in his chest as he rocked back and forth on the cold wooden beams, tears soaking his cheeks and shirt as he wrapped his arms around his knees to keep warm.  

“Liam…” he whimpered softly in the absolute blackness.

He pressed his face deeper into his bent knees and sobbed.

* * *

 

Liam hurried back after his shift, hoping Killian was still awake.  He hadn’t intended to be so delayed, but the fresh piece of bread he held wrapped in his hand would hopefully make up for his lateness.  He stepped into their cabin and looked around for his brother.

The room was empty, quiet, _too_ quiet.  The other lads should have finished their watch by now, and Killian should be there.  He wasn’t _that_ late coming back.

“Where is everyone?” he muttered.

A banging sound somewhere down the narrow hall caught his attention.  He quickly lit the lantern on the desk and carried it with him as he went to investigate.  At the edge of the bulkhead, near what should have been the opening to the hold, he found three of the boys from his cabin prying desperately at the wooden boards that covered the hatch.

“Pull harder!” Benny snapped at the other two.  “He’s-”

Benny’s eyes met Liam’s questioning ones, and he froze, terror sliding across his features.

“What’s going on?” Liam asked quietly, the beginnings of fear fluttering in his belly.

“It was just a joke,” the other boy stammered.  “We didn’t know he’d be so scared down there, but he stopped making noises and now we can’t get the door open...”

_Killian.  Alone, in the dark.  No._

“What the hell did you do?” Liam yelled, dashing forward.  He set the lantern on the floor near the hatch and tried to slip his fingers between the boards, but they were stuck tight.

“Killian!” he called, desperation lining his voice.  “ _Killian!_ ”

He couldn’t hear anything from the other side, and it only made him claw at the door harder.

“I’m coming, brother,” he shouted.  Turning to the boys who’d fallen silent around him, he barked out, “Help me, now!”

Max managed to find a length of iron and together, taking far too long for Liam’s liking, they managed to pry open the stuck wood.  Without a moment’s hesitation, Liam climbed through the opening and dropped to the hold below.

“Killian?” he called softly.  The glow of the lantern lit the opening as Sam passed it through the hatch.  The hold was small, there weren’t that many places to-

 _There_.

Huddled in the farthest corner, he could just make out his brother’s crouched form.  Moving as carefully as he could in the cramped hold, he made his way over to Killian and touched his shoulder.

Killian didn’t move.

“Killian, it’s me,” he said as gently as he could.  “It’s Liam.”  Killian only sniffed quietly, his head tucked into curled up knees, arms wrapped tightly around his legs.  

Liam sank down beside his brother, unsure of what to do.  Killian had always been afraid of the dark, but it had only gotten worse in the months since Fathe- he couldn’t help his fists clenching in anger at the thought of what he’d done to them.  He was only fourteen, how was he supposed to know how to take care of his little brother on his own?

“Killian, talk to me, please,” he begged, reaching out again to touch his brother’s shoulder.

The moment his fingers brushed Killian’s shirt, the younger boy launched from his position and launched himself into Liam’s arms, small arms tight around his neck.  Liam could feel his brother’s shaking sobs, and he could only rub Killian’s back as he whispered over and over, “I’m here, Killian.  I’m right here.”  The dampness on his shirt only spread wider the longer Killian cried against him, but he didn’t care.

After a time, Killian’s sobs softened into quiet whimpers and occasional shudders, and he felt it safe to pull back, just a little bit.  Liam reached up and gently pried his brother’s arms from his neck.

“Killian, look at me,” he said, touching his brother’s chin to meet his gaze.  Killian looked down, his eyes almost closed in the dark.

“I…” Killian started softly.  “I’m sorry.”

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for, Killian.  Nothing.”

His brother took a deep, shuddering breath.  “I shouldn’t be so scared,” he whispered, barely audible.  “I shouldn’t be such a baby.”

“You’re not,” Liam said gently.  “You’re not a baby.”

“But I’m always afraid,” Killian said, finally meeting Liam’s eyes.  “I’m always afraid that if it’s dark, you’re going to leave me, just like _he_ did.”  The younger Jones looked down again, fresh tears falling to their laps.

Liam could feel the anger building in him, fury at the man who continued to hurt them even when he was already long gone from their lives.

“Look at me, brother,” he said, a determined edge to his voice.  Killian looked up, his blue eyes glistening wetly in the near-darkness of the hold.  Liam fixed him with a stern gaze, his voice low and strong.  “I am never, _never_ , going to leave you, Killian.  Do you understand me?”

Killian nodded uncertainly.

“Close your eyes, Killian,” he said.  His brother’s eyes widened in fear, but Liam gripped his arms tightly and nodded.  “It’s all right, just do it, brother.”

Slowly, Killian closed his eyes, his fingers holding onto Liam’s jacket with all his strength.

“I'm still here, brother, see?” Liam murmured softly.  “Even in the dark, even when you're scared, I’m still here, and I’m not going anywhere without you.  And if I can't be there right away, for whatever reason, just close your eyes.  I'll always be with you.”

He felt, more than heard, his brother’s quiet sigh, but Killian’s eyes stayed closed.

“It’s not so bad, right?”  

Killian shook his head, a ghost of a smile on his lips.  “Right,” he whispered.  After another moment, Killian opened his eyes and fixed Liam with a shy grin.  

“Thanks, Liam.”

Liam hurriedly swallowed the rising emotion in his voice and replied, “Always.”  He clapped his little brother on the shoulder and smiled.  “Now how about we go up and I show you what surprise I’ve brought for you?”

Killian’s smile grew.  “You got me something?”

“Aye, I did.”  He got to his feet, pulling his brother up beside him.  Together, they made it to the open hatch and climbed up.

No one on the ship asked why Benny had a black eye the next day, or why Max and Sam each had a split lip, or about the scrapes on Liam’s knuckles.  But no one ever made fun of Killian’s fear of the dark again, either.

Sometimes, curled up together in the bunk they shared, Liam heard Killian whispering to himself in the dark, “He’s right here, Liam’s right here.”  Sometimes, when they got older and Killian’s anger threatened to get him into even more trouble, he’d find his younger brother muttering those same words just under his breath, eyes closed tightly in the cover of night.  And sometimes, even after they were finally admitted to the Navy, their future glowing brightly before them, he still saw Killian’s mouth moving just before he fell asleep, familiar words Liam recognised from the shape of his brother’s lips.

* * *

 

For the first week after Liam collapsed in his arms, Killian repeats the familiar phrases out of habit, the accustomed litany that used to calm him just bringing him to tears once more.  His crew can’t see him like this, a man falling apart with grief.  He needs to be a leader, he needs to be strong.

He needs his brother.

The first time he runs a man through with his blade simply for holding a treasure he desires is also the first night he doesn’t _want_ to say the words.  It felt good to be a pirate, it felt free, _powerful_ , but all he feels afterward, when he’s alone in the dark, is the burning regret of shame.  The thought of what he knows he’s becoming is too appalling to share with the brother no longer there, who only wanted the best for him.  Liam would be ashamed of who he is, Liam wouldn’t want to be there for him anyway, now.

He leaves the lantern on, that evening.  The darkness is too much to handle on the first night he’s truly alone in the world.  “I’m sorry,” he whispers to the empty room that used to belong to his captain, his brother.

But Liam isn’t coming back.

He leaves the lantern on every night.


End file.
